Day 44: Geriatric Assault on Ferry & the Resort

All night we were singing it's gonna be a good night, a good good night... and it was ... end up in the extra bed at my buddy Matthieu's bungalow around 5am. The fan in his room was ridiculously fast, froze my arse off, used two towels to try and cover up. At 8am I gave up the fight to stay warm and left, headed to the Pier to split the group Ferry ticket that Manne and I had - he was staying for a few more days. Split the tickets, return to pack, pack, say my farewells and head to D's Books for breakfast. Feel good about the time I'm making, should be no problem to catch the 11am ferry I see on all the travel boards. Only problem, the 11am ferry to Phuket is a fast boat run through a different company than my ticket and would cost me an additional $30. My previously purchased ferry does not leave until 2:30pm, but of course ... Why am I up again?

Matthieu meets me over at D's Books, we order a quick breakfast, loose terminology since it takes 45 minutes to be served, say our farewells because his 11:30 to Koh Lanta exists, and I work on my blogs, send out emails, read, and just relax.

Board the boat at 2, drop off my bags in front, grab my seat on the main level of 4. The flat screens are a few feet from me, blaring Mandarin playing some Chines kids show, fun fun on 3 hours sleep. I'm in the front row, the chair reclines almost flat, I lay back, stretch out my feet, eyes close, iPod drowns out the ruckus. Not 5 minutes later, I feel a sharp pain in my ankles, open my eyes and see my assailant. It's what I like to call a triple threat driver, old+Asian+female. Not sure her age, she could of been 70 or 100, she's Chinese for the love, but regardless, she should not be behind any moving object, including her body. Walking like they drive, she runs straight into me, loses her balance and lands elbow first square in my junk. When I lunge forward, clearly in pain, catch her eyes, no apology to be found, just an angry sneer. After gathering my wits and dislodging her from my sacred space, I ask if she's alright to no response. Just a continual sneer and look of disgust, What the what?! Ok, I'm done with the geriatric rudeness, I quickly close my eyes, bite my tongue, and return to my happy place. That lasts about a minute, enter a Chinese couple with small child occupying the seats to my right and my left. They decide it's a good idea to pass the child back and forth over and around me, the child treating me like a new toy, poking and prodding, awesome! So I make my exit, retire to the sun, the Chinese being like vampires and afraid of the tan, and relax on the front sundeck of the ferry.

I meet Simon, a Brit living in New Zealand on holiday with his mate and bro. After a bit of gab, learning I'm from LA and have taken a stab at stand up, he says the most amazing and ridiculous thing. "Nothing gives me more pleasure than making people laugh. Not dancing, not sports, not sex, nothing." Wait, hold up, did you just say that making a bloke laugh is better than sex? Are you sure you're doing it right? "I think so, it's not rocket science now is it?" Ladies, that question is for you. Next question, what's your girlfriend back homes name? "I don't have one". Yep, suspected that, not doing it right. Hope you're funny.

Boat docks, and the madness ensues. All the luggage is held at the front end of the boat, the exit is at the rear, clearly well designed. So throngs are scurrying to the front of the cabin to retrieve their bags, and others fighting to position their exit out the rear. 2 doors on both sides of the boat lead outside to the front but quickly are clogged by the hundreds of Chinese trying to get out. We knock at the door closest to the front, but the sign on the inside of the door says, "do not open", so they refuse to unlatch it for us. I attempt to explain through the thick window, that only applies when the ship is moving, they do not care. So we are stuck, in the sun, without our bags, waiting for a few hundred people to clear out ... Ah the good times. 20 minutes later, we enter, find our belongings, and head to the rear of the boat. Now please tell me why a few hundred people, most on a tour and not with bags, take so long to exit a large ferry. There are no tricky steps, we are in a bay, so the boat barely moves, it's a wide plank, 2 or 3 person width ... I'm baffled. 20 more minutes later, we cross the plank, touch dry land, and look for our transport.

An hour later I'm dropped off at B-Lay Tong Resort across the street from Patong Beach. Ah, Western comfort, how nice she be. My buddy from LA, Kian, is not in the room, so I take this opportunity to shower under the rain shower head on hot while shaving my face, it's been 2 weeks. Kian's in Phuket because the sports company he runs does most of their manufacturing in China, thus things are extremely slow during the 3 weeks of Chinese New Year. He spent 2 weeks in Burma dropping off the matrix, and came to Phuket to enjoy the sun and surf in luxury. He invites me to crash with him - uh let me think, a reprieve from concrete beds, mosquitos in the room, cold showers ... Yeah, that could work! Plus it's nice to catch up with a friend from back home, talk about our trips, show the pics, not worry about accents ... A welcome reprieve indeed.

That night we go to a fancy restaurant on the beach, Joes something or other, and after a few mixed drinks, a burger, desert and his seafood platter, the bill comes in at more than the cost of my hostel for 2 weeks, Kian graciously pays ... can you tell which one of has a job? During dinner he says something that strikes a cord in me, "I think you have actually learned to chill, it's amazing, you're not thinking 10 steps ahead." Ironically I think about the statement, And you know what? He's right!

Back at the hotel we head to the pool, which is huge an made up of small glass mosaic tile - amazing. But they took it one step further, the put fiber optic lights everywhere, so in the dark, it looks like the stars, and when the water moves, they dance. Kind of unexpected, kind of amazing!

To bed early tonight, I am wasted from no sleep and all the travel today. Nite nite from the iPhone blogger!